Cadian Dirtbag
by Grenadier Megumin
Summary: A squad of battle-hardened Cadians end up singing in a Chimera. Yeah. It's as stupid as it sounds.


A lone Chimera Assault Transport coloured in the colours of the Cadian 8th trundled across the war torn plains of an unknown planet. The large amount of craters sent the Chimera through many bumps and rolls, but the six man squad (plus their Commissar) seemed unaffected by the journey. Slowly, as the Chimera continued its lone march, the Commissar drifted off into a weary sleep. The hard fought campaign had given him little time for rest, as the amount of executions he had to either oversee or personally take charge of was overwhelming. As such, he thought that he deserved a little bit of sleep.

The six man squad looked cautiously at the Commissar, not knowing if he was faking his sleep. Most of the squad were veterans of many different conflicts, but the youngest member had been a transferred from the Cadian 7th a few weeks ago. Many jokes about the Cadian 8th's leader, Lord Castellan Ursarkar Creed, ensued. Most of them concerning arms and Baneblades appearing from seemingly harmless bushes. The young man, only recently come of age, had been selected as part of Cadia's massive tithes to the Departmento Munitorum. Even though he had been raised on Cadia, his parents had come off world, forced to Cadia due to the madness that preceded the Thirteenth Black Crusade.

As such, they were not as rigid in their thinking as the local Cadians. They brought with them traditions from their home world, the planet of Wheatus. Songs, dance and other important cultural beliefs started to spread throughout one of Cadia's Kasrs. One such song was 'Teenage Dirtbag', a popular song that had often been covered by many of the bands from Wheatus.

The young Cadian had, instead of performing a cover of the song, had changed a few of the key lyrics to suit his new home world. When the song was released throughout the Kasr, people, even the Cadians, loved it. The song eventually spread too many other Kasrs, and was listened to mostly by the youth of Cadia. This may have worried the leaders of Cadia slightly, but as long as they could field strip their own lasgun and participate in Whiteshield training, they didn't care. The Cadian thought that if maybe the Commissar fell asleep, they would be able to play the song.

Obviously, the drivers thought so too.

The older Cadian soldiers looked confused at the music that was emanating from the internal speakers of the Chimera, but saw that the young transfer from the 7th had snapped straight in his seat, and was tapping his foot to the sound of the music.

When the music reached a certain point, the younger Cadian stated to sing.

"Her name is Noelle, I had a dream about her…" One of the veterans now recognised the song, and started to tap his boot to the beat. Another veteran felt like he had heard this before, but he wasn't sure excatly what the song was. The rest of the squad merely rolled my eyes, thinking that the young Cadian was merely trying to let loose a bit.

"She rings my bell, I got training in half an hour…" The few other veterans who knew the song perked up, suddenly remembering the song. The other vets finally figured out that this wasn't just a kid trying to let loose, or recover from a hard fought campaign. Maybe this was that song they had heard in their down time…

"Oh how she rocks, in boots and tube socks…" The whole squad was now tapping their boots to the song, and a few of the braver veterans were now joining the young transfer in singing the song. The transfer seemed to be surprised, but he kept on singing. However, this time with a smile on his face.

"But she doesn't know who I am…" At this point every guardsmen in the Chimera, even the drivers, were singing along with the lyrics. Although, they were all singing softly, hoping that until the chorus they wouldn't wake the Commissar. Being *BLAM*ed was a common occurrence, even in a regiment as inspired as the 8th.

"No, she doesn't give a damn about me…" All of the guardsmen, though singing, were giving the Commissar wary looks, hands gripping their lasguns. They hoped the Commissar would forgive them for singing, as it was a fairly common occurrence, but they knew that waking a Commissar up wasn't the best idea.

"'CAUSE I'M JUST A CADIAN DIRTBAG BABY!" The explosion of noise knocked the Commissar off of his seat in the Chimera, as all the members of the crew beside him burst out into loud singing. Even from the driver's canopy, the sound of soldiers happily singing could be heard. The Commissar felt like reaching for his bolt pistol, but saw that all of the Cadians was ignoring him and instead singing their hearts out. Shrugging his shoulders, and to the surprise of the squad, he joined in.

"YEAH I'M JUST A CADIAN DIRTBAG BABY!" The sound of muffled singing and electric guitar emanated from the Chimera, and if there were any living observers within hearing range, they would assume that a squad of Slaaneshi Noise Marines had commandeered the Chimera and were rocking out to their favourite tune. Or the Machine Spirit had decided to troll all the occupants of the transport.

"Listen to Iron Maiden with me, OOOoooOOOOoooooooooOh…" As the muffled music faded into the distance, the Chimera kept on trundling across the war torn plains, into the sunset. Meanwhile, on Holy Terra, some of the Adeptus Custodes felt something different from their small mental connection to the God-Emperor of Mankind. Normally, all they felt was pain, suffering, and the occasional pang of guilt and depression. They were confused, until they realised what long forgotten emotion they were receiving.

Amusement.

* * *

Inspired by a comic encountered on an archived post on the /tg/ board of 4chan.

Link to the original comic: suptg . thisisnotatrueending archive/ 2822928/ images/ 1224268245463 . png

(Just remove the spaces)

Not meant to be serious in anyway. Internet cookies to anyone who spotted several references to different Warhammer 40k in-jokes and theories.


End file.
